Monday, January 18, 2010

Your peanuts for your headphones

Dear American Airlines,

I just wanted to let you know I stole about $15 worth of headphones from you last week. I have a problem. Not with theft. Just with keeping things around…in general. I lose things. Cameras, children, and lately every pair of headphones I've purchased. So, when I saw you had hundreds of them in a bucket I got excited and thought I should stock up for the inevitable. I am now on my 9th pair (thank you).

I know you’re probably thinking this is somehow my fault and that a respectable company such as American Airlines shouldn’t have to pay the price for my carelessness. But I’ll have you know, what I have is an illness like any other and you wouldn’t fault a blind kid for needing an extra pair of eyes to read the airline safety instructions, would you? Yeah, didn't think so.

And while it may seem like you’re operating at a loss (b/c you’re missing 10 headphones) in actuality, you are not because I'm paying you back. In peanuts. See, when the nice flight attendant offered me some snacks I kindly declined.

I've priced these out (keeping consistent with airport prices of course):
1 bag of roasted peanuts $4.75
1 shot of “Florida” orange juice $5

That’s $9.75.

So $15 worth of headphones - $9.75 worth of snacks = $5.25

As it stands I owe you $5.25. I will pay my balance off when I fly again and bypass your delicious snacks.

Thank you for understanding. You are almost definitely my domestic airline of choice.