To the city of Orlando,
This year marks the 10th anniversary of my crashing the city’s van into a school bus at the veteran’s day parade. I respectfully commemorate that incident with a public apology.
Let me just start by saying, that road was really fucking narrow. And that school bus was really fucking big.
Second, I had a van full of streamers that needed to be delivered and I was NOT going to let our veterans down by slowing down for children.
Last, I think everyone really blew things out of proportion (the mayor included) and missed the poetic parallels between an intern’s patriotism and that of our troops. You see, no one wants casualties but it’s the price of war and that bus was in my way.
No, let me rephrase that, it was in my country’s way.
All that said, I sincerely apologize for diverting the attention from our brave veterans to that of a bus full of screaming band kids.
Serving with honor,